"literally me"

(backing away like he's a dangerous animal, but wanting him):

Was it possible to long for these things, or for anything else, other than in connection with a man, other than to serve the cause of love? I had to buy a shawl because of the bitter cold: "He will never see it."

I wanted to stay in that age of passion, when all my actions - from the choice of a film to the selection of a lipstick - were channeled towards one person.

I always wanted to be loved by the Communist Party and the Mother Church. [...] I wanted to smile at dogma, yet ruin my ego against it. [...] I wanted to cross myself at dirty words. I wanted to tolerate pagan remnants in village ritual, arguing against the Curia. [...] I wanted to be a junkie priest who makes a record for Folkways.